Why do I write...

Sometimes I write, not for me, not for you but for the words. The words that stay huddled inside me, playing millions of games, weaving stories, singing poems, whispering to me their innate desires of embracing the blank page lying in front of me. But that’s not how it is most of the times; there are days when I struggle, a part of me die, as I lie on the bed and watch those blank pages cry; these are the days I try to pour out the emotions I’ve locked inside me only to pick few and make sense out of them. Sometime I do, sometimes I don’t.

And there are nights, when all that comes out are few sighs devoid of any kind of emotion or words, like an ode to the perfect abyss I hide inside me. These are the times I struggle the most; the times they describe as the writer’s block.

But these are the times, which remind me of the sun that shines every morning questioning me if I’d pen down its rays on the paper. There’s this dry leaf lying by the windowsill, it stares at me innocently, wondering if I would be the one who writes the tale of the fallen leaf. There are strangers dropping words and stories at every corner of the street, and who am I to not pick them up? The wind that blows and knows all the secrets from the far away land, who am I to not hear those whispers and tell them to the world? I have a night sky full of stars aligning themselves to form the most beautiful dreams, those dreams fall from the sky and take form of the words. Who am I to not read them? I am nothing. 

I am nothing in the grand scheme of things, and this is my last chance. I have to give these words a shape, a story, and maybe, they’ll carry me with them forever. If I don’t, someone else will.

So that’s why I write, not for me, not for you but for the words. 

Moments of madness...

But sometimes I don’t know,

And the other times I don’t care,

These stars,

I don’t know why they twinkle,

Then some nights,

I just sit and stare them,

Compare them,

With my life, my wishes,

They twinkle like them, to gain my attention,

Are the stars too trying to gain my attention?

To the secrets they know,

A life they want to show,

That I haven’t seen,

Do you know what I don’t?

Tell me,

Compel me,

To know the secrets,

To care some more,

To wonder what’s in the store,

To look on the road,

To not hold the past in my hands,

Like a squirming toad

I want to let it go,

I want to know what you know,

I want something,

That I have lost it in this bright glow,

I can’t see, will you show?

Just show me,

What I always wanted to know,

The secret and then maybe,

Maybe I’ll let myself follow,

Follow the stars,

Who paint the night for me,

For my dreams,

To suppress the screams,

I hear inside my head,

I live every moment,

While they tell me I’m dead,

I will just go to sleep,

When everything inside me I’ve said,

But before I go to sleep,

Before I dream,

Hear that scream,

Inside my head again,

Feel that pain,

Driving me insane,

And the moon will mock me,

They’ll again lock me,

In this chamber so dark,

I’m naked stark,

With these signs on my body,

Signs they say something,

Something I forget, all the time

I regret, my only crime

But you know what I don’t,

Show me what they don’t,

'cause sleep is not far away,

And I've got those stars to follow, 

So, just tell me the secret, and then maybe

Maybe I’ll let myself go… 

Gareebon ki Nostalgia

Scroll down for english transliteration

जब कुत्ते रोज़ रोज़ रोया करते थे,
चाँद तारे आँख मूँद सोया करते थे,
वह काली रातें भी अजीब थीं
जब बंजर ज़मीनों पर सपने हम बोया करते थे

टूटे हुए तारों को मांझे से बाँध
हम फिर हवा में उड़ाते थे,
पतंग खरीदने के पैसे नहीं थे,
तो ख़्वाबों की साइकिल को बस इध उधर मुड़ाते थे

पर उन सभी ख्वाबी साइकिलों की टक्कर,
किसी बड़ी गाडी से हुआ करती थी,
इन्ही बातों से अनजान मेरी नन्ही बहन,
उन फजूल ख़्वाबों के पूरा होने की दुआ करती थी

पर ख्वाब तो फिर ख्वाब होते हैं,
पूरे तो बस उन सवालों के जवाब होते हैं,
"बापू  आज खाने में क्या खायेंगे?"
"मेरा जूता खाले।"
कभी जूता, तो कभी बापू के पथरीले हाथ,
इन्ही को खा खा कर बचपन किसी तरह बीता जाता था,
फिर कभी कभी न जाने उन कच्चे रास्तों पर,
कहाँ से 1-2 रुपये का नोट पड़ा दिख जाता था,
तब खूब मज़े से शामें कटा करती थी,
3-4 लड्डुओं से भरी थैलिया,
10-12 बच्चों में बंटा करती थी

बस इन्ही छोटी खुशियों को समेटे,
टूटी हुई पटरी पर जंग लगी रेल हम चलाते थे,
और जो कभी कोई मुश्किल आ पड़ती,
तो उसे भी ख़ुशी का चोगा पहना खुद का मन बहलाते थे

बचपन के वह दिन थे माँ का पता नहीं,
बापू रोज़ रात शराब पीकर आता था
और ये दिल रोज़ कचरे में नए किले बना
हर शाम एक खुशहाल ज़िन्दगी जी जाता था

हर शाम एक खुशहाल ज़िन्दगी जी जाता था

jab kutte roz roz roya karte the,
chaand taare aankhein moond soya karte the,
wah kaali raatein bhi ajeeb thin,
jab banjar zameenon par sapne hum boya karte the

toote hue taaron ko maanjhe se baandh,
ham fir hawa mein udaate the,
patang khareedne ke paise nahin the,
toh khwaabon ki cycle ko bas idhar udhar mudaate the

par un sabhi khwaabi cyclon ki takkar,
kisi badi gaadi se hua karti thi,
inhi baaton se anjaan meri nanhi behen,
un fazool khwaabon ke poora hone ki dua karti thi

Par khwaab toh fir khwaab hote hain,
poore toh bas unn sawaalon ke jawaab hote hain,
"baapu aaj khane mein kya khayenge?"
"Mera joota khale"
Kabhi joota, toh kabhi baapu ke pathreele haath,
inhi ko kha kha kar bachpan kisi tarah beet jaata tha,
fir kabhi kabhi na jaane unn kachche raaston par,
kahan se 1-2 rs ka note pada dikh jaata tha,
tab khoob maje mein shaamein kata karti thin,
3-4 ladduon se bhari thailiya,
10-12 bachchon mein banta karti thin

bas inhi choti khushiyon ko samete,
tooti hui patri par jang lagi rail hum chalaate the,
aur jo kabhi koi mushkil aa padti,
toh usse bhi khushi ka choga pehla khud ka mann behlaate the

bachpan ke woh din the maa ka pataa nahin,
baapu roz raat sharaab peekar aata tha,
aur ye dil roz kachre ke naye kile bana,
har shaam ek khushhal zindagi jee jaata tha

har shaam ek khushhal zindagi jee jaata tha

Deepa's Rhyme

This one's dedicated to a friend... 


Touching their soul,

She kisses them all,

Then makes her own way,

She was never the one to stay


Like a gust of wind,

She’s never still,

A dream she is,

And dreams she has to fulfill


A constellation,

Of starry thoughts,

An amalgamation,

Of wonderful whatnots,

A mystery to unfold,

She’s those tales untold


And she flies above us all,

Flies across the colorful sky,

A beautiful melody she is,

A beautiful moment passing by…  

I wish I knew...

Look at the those stars,

They still remember the tales I told you,

About the wind that flows and knows,

The fragrance, which belongs to you,

Listen to the leaves,

Hear what they say,

As they try to play,

The songs I sang for you

Look at the clouds,

As they rain,

Washing away all the pain,

Turning them into the smiles

Listen to the thunder,

And feel the cold winds,

As they ruffle your hair,

And tonight he’ll stare

Stare that beautiful woman,

Who was once the queen,

Of my most beautiful stories,

Which are nothing but,

Some forgotten memories,

Forgotten for you,

Not for me,

As I still sit by that lonely tree,

Looking at the stars,

Smoking all those unlit cigars,

Made of dreams,

That we created together,

Revolving around this word ‘forever’

Guess it had a different meaning for me,

A different meaning for you,

And I wish I knew….

I wish I knew….