Friday 22 March 2013

आज फिर एक बार मरने को जी चाहता है/Aaj fir ek baar marne ko jee chahte hai...



(Scroll down for English Transliteration)

पिछली बार मरे थे,
दर्द कुछ कम हुआ था,
पता नहीं कहाँ से इतना दर्द,
खुद में समेटे हुए हूँ,
तो आज फिर एक बार मरने को जी चाहता है,
एक बार फिर जीने से ये मन अभी घबराता है...

पिछली बार खून का एक कतरा निकला था,
इस बार दो निकाल कर ही दम लूँगा,
जो बात दिल में है,
आज शीशे में मौजूद उस इंसान से ज़रूर कहूँगा,
क्योंकि दो वही कान हैं, जो मुझे सुनते है,
स्वेटर की तरह मेरे ख्यालों को बुनते हैं,
फिर ख्यालों का वही स्वेटर पहन मैं इठलाता हूँ,
जग जग को अपने ख्यालों की दास्तान सुनाता हूँ,
सुनाते सुनाते जब थक जाता हूँ,
तो याद आता है,
ख्यालों का स्वेटर बस गर्मी लाता है,
ठण्ड का झोंका तोह फिर भी रोज़,
मेरे दरवाज़े पर दस्तक दे जाता है,
शायद मैं वोह न बन सका
जो इस ठण्ड के झोंके को सूरज बन पी जाता है,
आज फिर एक बार मरने को जी चाहता है...

राहें पिछली बार तक पथरीली थीं,
पर इस बार तो उनका नामोंनिशान तक नहीं,
आपकी हर दलील को हमने टाला था,
चलिए इस बार आप भी सही,
आप ही की सुनेंगे और खाई की ओर हम ज़रूर बढ़ेंगे,
ये थके हुए कदम इस बार नहीं रुकेंगे,
क्योंकि दो कान जो कभी मुझे सुनते थे,
वह कट चुके हैं, शरीर के टुकड़े एडवांस में बट चुके हैं
सियार सारे तैयार हैं,
एडवांस अमाउंट के साथ
आग तैयार है,
बस चिता पर अपनी लेटे हुए हूँ
पता नहीं कहाँ से इतना दर्द,
खुद में समेटे हुए हूँ,
तो आज फिर एक बार मरने को जी चाहता है,
एक बार फिर जीने से ये मन अभी घबराता है...

pichlee baar mare the,
dard kuch kam hua tha,
pata nahin kahan se itna dard,
khud mein samete hue hun,
to aaj fir ek baar marne ko jee chahta hai,
ek baar fir jeene se ye mann abhi ghabrata hai...

pichlee baar khoon ka ek katra nikla tha,
iss baar do nikal kar hi dam lunga,
jo baat dil mein hai,
aaj sheeshe mein maujood uss insaan se zaroor kahunga,
kyonki do wahi kaan hain, jo mujhe sunte hain,
sweater ki tarah mere khayaalon ko bunte hain,
fir khayaalon ka wahi sweater pehen main ithala hun,
jag jag ko apne khayaalon ki dastaan sunaata hun,
sunaate sunaate jab thak jaata hun,
toh yaad aata hai,
khayalon ka sweater bas garmi laata hai,
thand ka jhonka toh fir bhi roz,
mere darwaaze par dastak de jaata hai,
shayad main woh na ban saka
jo iss thand ke jhonke ko suraj ban pi jaata hai,
aaj fir ek baar marne ko jee chahta hai...

raahein pichlee baar tak pathrili thin,
par iss baar toh unka naamonishaan tak nahin,
aapki har daleel ko humne taala tha,
chaliye iss baar aap bhi sahi,
aap hi ki sunenge aur khayi ki or hum zaroor badhenge,
ye thake hue kadam iss baar nahin rukenge,
kyonki do kaan jo kabhi mujhe sunte the,
wah kat chuke hain, shareer ke tukde advance mein bat chuke hain
siyaar saare taiyaar hain,
advance amount ke saath,
aag taiyaar hai,
bas chita par apni lete hue hun,
pata nahin kahan se itna dard,
khud mein samete hue hun,
toh aaj fir ek baar marne ko jee chahta hai,
ek baar fir jeene se ye mann abhi ghabraata hai...

Tuesday 19 March 2013

Companion


Standing side by side,
We let the wind glide,
And play games with our hair,
As we stare,
At each other,
You, the one trying not to smile
And I…

We will fly,
In this sky,
So high,  
Sometimes low,
We’ll just go with the flow
Like a kite,
We’ll fight,
We’ll fall in love,
We’ll live,
One more day,
This is what I have to say,
While you stand there,
Wind in your hair,
Somewhere far you stare,
Trying not to smile,
And I wonder what’s stopping you…

Look at me,
Into my eyes,
And read what lies,
Beyond all these vague ideas,
Can you see the sun rise,
For us today,
Can you feel the rush,
Yes, it’s here to stay
‘cause now we’re free
We can be where we always wanted to be,
Leaving behind whatever is broken,
Everything that is lost,
At least I found you,
And you found me,
So, here I’m, with a girl,
Standing by the door,
Trying not to smile,
While I wonder what’s stopping her…
                        




Questions


I’m scared and a shy guy. I know nothing about the world, not like you do. I’m petrified, of these roads you travel. I think I will stumble. Did you ever fall down? Did it hurt? I feel the pain too; it’s of a different kind. I don’t have any wounds to show, actually I do have some wounds, but I can’t show it to anyone. They won’t see them, or maybe pretend to not see them.

They say wounds are ugly, are they? Teachers told me to hide them; people will laugh. Why does everyone laugh at us? We all have the same wounds, almost same; ok not same, but still wounds are wounds. Mine isn’t more painful than yours, but it still hurts, yours too I guess.

Do you cry when it hurts? I do cry, and no one wipes my tear, but then I have my own hands to wipe them. I sometimes wipe others’ tears too. I wonder if you do that as well. Do you make them smile?

I like when they smile, even when they pretend to smile. It’s like they’re winning the war that’s going inside them. There’s a war we’re always fighting, sometimes we win, sometimes we lose. Are you winning yours today?

I am afraid of dark. Are you too? I find it very comforting, more than I’d prefer. I feel like submitting myself to it, just stay there forever. Like an unwritten story lingering in your mind. Like a letter torn to pieces, it exists but not for whom it was meant. Like a secret hidden in a corner.

I know you like secrets. You like sharing them? Share one with me, the most beautiful one; say it aloud, for yourself. 

Monday 4 March 2013

Kuch naya sa...


Kuch pal the,
Ajnabi se,
Kuch baatein thin,
Anjaani si,
Ek dosti thi,
Pyaari si
Jo fir ek din tha,
Kuch naya sa

Kuch raaz the,
Ankahe se,
Kuch muskurahatein thin,
Khoyi hui si,
Dekho fir mil gayi,
Yaadon ki pankhudiyan,
Fir khil gayin,
Jo fir ek sohbat thi,
Kuch nayi si

Kuch kahaniyaan thin,
Kisse bhi,
Kuch mastiyaan thin,
Aur unke hisse bhi,
Kuch maine tumko de diye,
Kuch apne pass rakh liye,
Yaadon ki tarah sambhal kar,
Aur tumhe ek dosti ki tarah…







Saturday 2 March 2013

Because there is a pain I hid inside me...


Because there is a pain I hid inside me,
A part of me they'll never see,
There is a tear I cry
Under this blue sky,
There is a star I yearn,
A lesson I’ll have to learn,
That stars are for special ones,
I ain’t the special one…
I can’t be,
Or they would have never made fun of me,
I am just like those grammatical mistakes in beautiful stories,
So, they’ll erase me,
And all my memories,
Because I’m just an abnormal kid,
Who just couldn’t hid 
Himself from the mob
Who tried to harm him,
Maybe they just killed him,
A part of him,
A part that lies inside,
A part of me, it died,
But still I walk on,
For no reason,
I walk on only to be ridiculed,
I walk on only to be fooled,
I walk on knowing I’m not the special one,
Like them,
Like all of them,
I walk on…
Maybe I shouldn’t.