Bachelor Ka Kamra

Kisi kone mein pada guitar,

Ek kone mein pade earphones bekar,

Kapdon ka kuch pata nahin,

Bistar se geela tauliya, na jaane kabse hata nahin

Khidki par ek parda hai,

Chupane ke liye toote seeshe

Bed per ek sundar si chaadar bicha rakhi hai,

Chupane ke liye coffee ke purane daag

Diwaron par makdiyon ka jaise

Ek sheher bana hua hai,

Wahin bathroom ke kone mein maujood washbasin,

Na jaane kabse dhool se sana hua hai,

Wohi dhool jo jooton se kabhi utri thi,

Jab football khel kar waapas aaye the,

Woh maile joote aaj bhi, darwaze ke nazdeek pade

Roz Lakshmi ji ko door se namaskar karte hain

Kehta hai, 

"Ma na jaane kitne mahino se aayi nahin,

Jab aayengi toh unhi se sab saaf karaunga,

Abhi se kya kisi naukarani ko laga,

Befaltu mein hazaar paanchso main nahin udaunga"

Issi soch mein Pappu hamara,

Apne ghar ka ujjwal sitaara,

Har hafte unn bache rupiyon ka

Ek pizza khaata hai

Aur pizza ke bakse,

Wahin bistar ke neeche chupaata hai

"Arrey sardiyon mein kaam aate hain,

Woh bakse"

Apna koi ajeeb sa logic fir humein samjhaata hai,

Aur kharaab pade heater ki oor ishara kar bolta hai pappu,

Ki inhi bakso ko jalaakar hi toh woh thand ko duur bhagata hai

“Dustbin?” Arrey dekhiye yahin kahin pada hoga,

Na jaane kahin kisi kone mein ada hoga,

Istemaal nahin kiya, uth ke dusre kamre mein jaana padta hai,

Par kya karein, laptop se uth kar wahan tak jaana usse khoob akharta hai

Lekin Pappu hamara bachelor bada sayana hai,

Kehta hai, real zindagi mein safaai ka kya fayda

Bhaiya, Ab toh virtual zindagi ka dekho zamaana hai 

मेरी पहली वाली किस...

Baat 2 saal purani, dost ke bhai ki shaadi ki hai

Jawaani ki dehleez pe kadam rakhe the

Doston ne iss baar thodi khabar li thi humari

Kyunki 20 saal ki umar mein bhi aam thode kam chakhe the...

Bola tha iss baar shaadi mein teri

Ek girlfriend banwayenge

Aakhirkar bachche se aadmi tujhe zaroor banayenge....

Ab marta kya na karta,

Haan mein maine bhi haan mila di thi

Thoda darra hua toh tha hi

Par dost chodo, unki gfs ne hi

Thodi bahut practice kara di thi  ....

Suna tha dost ke bhai ki saali 

Pe sab fida hain

Humne toh thaan li thi ek baar

Na mudke usko dekhenge

Jahan pehle se hi 20 log jama hon

Uss alaav par haath na sekenge....

Shaadi waale din ke liye,

Dost ne khud mere liye

ek special sherwani silwayi thi

Jab sherwani pehen ke bahar nikle

Toh doston ke kuch friends ne seeti bajayi thi....

“Chamak raha hai bada aaj,

Beta aaj khali haath wapas nahin aana.”

Par yaar…

“Na na, dekh aaj shaadi mein ek se badhkar ek hongi,

Aisa mauka haath se na ganwaana.”...

Dost ki hidayat,

Ek kaan se sun dusre se nikali thi

Aakhir mujhe jaise sharmile ladke se

Bhala koi ladki kahan patne waali thi....

Khair, sab bhool bhaal baraat sang

Hum sawaar hue the

Humein kya pata tha ki humari peeth peeche

Humari setting ke plans tayaar hue the...

“Beta woh dekh, woh hai badi saali

Woh toh hai 25+ doston waali.

Aur woh choti saali, woh hum logon waali.”

Par sun itna lamba haath main kahan

Maar paunga

Itni sundar ladki ke saamne, 2 min na tik paunga

“Abbey ladka, hai ki ladki. Punjabiyon ke naam par dhabba hai,

Saala na daaru na ladki, beta tu toh bhagwaan ke saamne

Jalaane waali agarbatti ka dabba hai.”...

“Chod isse yaar, ye na kuch kar payega.

Saala bhari mehfil mein, hum doston ke group ka naam dubayega.”

Baat dost ki sun ek minute ke liye

sharam se paani paani ho gaya tha main...

Par baat toh wohi thi, itne saalon mein

Ek bhi na pat paayi thi

Aur jo 2-3 pasand aayi, woh humare

Doston ne hi khud humse churayi thi....

Confidence pura low tha

Aur socializing skills bhi hamara so so tha

Ab toh akele hi raat guzarni padegi

Ye soch kar pareshaan baitha tha main...

Shaadi toh kab ki chalu ho gayi thi

Ice cream aur cold drinks se apna

Mann behla raha tha

Saamne dekha toh, dost ka chota bhai

Choti saali sang batiya raha tha...

Lo ji katt gayi patang, ab toh

Chicken ke leg piece sang raat bitayenge

Hum jaise buddhu iss jamane mein

Kahan koi ladki pata payenge...

“Sun”, kaan mein aakar dost fusfusaya tha

“Dekh beta chote waale ko main

Ghar bhej raha hun kuch samaan lane.

Mauka achcha hai, ja apna jaal bichale.”

Dost ne aakar khabar toh achchi di thi...

“Hello I am Abhi. Aap bhabhi ji,

I mean, dulhan ki choti behen hai na.”

Haan mein sira hila woh thoda muskurayi thi

Sach kehta hun dost, uski aankhon ne

Shaareer mein 440 volt waali current daudayi thi....

Tabhi mere mobile par ek sms aaya

“Terrace pe pada hai guitar,

Ab toh baaji maar ja yaar.”...

“Suno kaafi boring si hai shaadi,

Chalo thoda tehel aate hain.

Suna hai chat se view achcha aata hai,

Wahin ka nazara le aate hain.”...

Sharmati hui, usne hamari haan mein haan milayi

Aur fir apni nazrein uske rishtedaaron ki taraf ghumayi

“Raasta saaf hai, chalo let’s go.” Fir boli woh...

“Seriously yaar, kitni boring shaadi hai,

Upar se sab ladkon ki flirting zaari hai.

Main khush hun ki tum unn jaise nahin,

Jo mere peeche pade nahin.”...

Ye toh atom bomb gira tha

Beta ab kaise daal galegi,

Kahan pata tha ye itni shaani niklegi....

Tabhi nazar ghuma dekha

Toh saamne rakha tha ek guitar.

Aur boli woh, “wow, I know how to play that.”

Bas fir kya tha, baaton baaton mein

Usne uthaya tha guitar

Kaafi achcha bajaati thi woh, par zabardast planning ki thi doston ne

Kyunki bahut besura gaati thi woh....

“Suno main thoda bahut gaa leta hun.”

Bol humne, mauke pe aisa chauka lagaya tha

Agle 1 ghante tak saath baith humne

Fir sur se sur milaaya tha.....

Uski aankhon mein ab alag si chamak thi

Aur awaaz mein bhi uski ek khanak thi.

Laga tha jaise saara confidence wapas aa gaya

Iss bachche par ek aadmi ka bhoot cha gaya...

“Kya hua, itne pass kyun aa rahe ho.”

Kyunki tum pal pal mujhe saata rahi ho

“Par main aise kya kiya?”

Pichle ek 1 ghante se kare hi toh jaa rahi ho, Jiya

“Aisa kya keh rahe ho tum? Darr lag raha hai mujhe.”

Par main hun saath, kiska darr tujhe

“Aur agar kisine dekh liya.”

Terrace ka darwaza band karke aaya hun.

“Par hum ek dusre ko sahi se jaante bhi nahin.”

Toh jaan jao.

“Please tum aur pass mat aao.”

Par main toh aa gaya.

“Apni saansein meri saanson se na takraao.”

Kyun, kuch ho raha hai

“Haan bahut kuch….”

Bas baaki ka aapko kya batana,

Aur ab aapse bhi kya chipaana.

Sirf uss raat hi the saath hum,

Aur fir woh kahan aur main kahan.  

Par aaj bhi yaad hai, woh pehli kiss,

Jab andheri raat ko, taaron tale baithe the wahan.....

A collection of short ones

Sometimes I just want to cry,

so that she could smile.

I hope she’s smiling right now.

 ********

Hey friend,

I know you’re there

Hiding behind the desk, aren’t you?

Hey friend,

I know you’ll come out anytime.

Look I am hurt, and I need you.

Hey friend,

I know you’re coming out anytime,

I know you’re going to comfort me now.

Hey friend,

I know you’ve died but your memories are still there,

you’re still by my side; you’re still making me smile.

*********

The old pine tree,

it still stands there, behind the park.

It still remembers our first conversation,

and it still recalls the story of our first kiss.

That water fountain at the city center,

it is still the main tourist attraction.

But it misses our small fights,

at 2 AM during the starry nights.

The last desk in the class,

yes our names are still carved on it.

The scent of your shampoo is still present there

where you kept your head down,  just to stare

at me.

That house is still empty,

where the tears which fell from your eyes

when we made love for first time,

are still flowing down the slanted and creaking floor.

That bicycle is still rusting in my backyard,

which I once used to bring flowers

to apologize for every mistake I made.

I still use that cycle to carry those same flowers

every day at 9 AM to the grave,

Where from past 10 years,

you’ve stayed.

*******

Those memories,

I’ll burn them all and smile.

I don’t want to cry anymore,

I don’t want them to be my

emotions’ turnstile.

Those memories,

they’re all gone.

Now I don’t cry,

but I also don’t smile.

Smiling doesn’t make sense,

now that the emotions don’t

have any fence.

********

My guitar and me,

I don’t know how to play it.

But it still loves me.

I just strum it and hum a random tune,

it loves my fingers caressing its strings,

it still hopes that I’ll learn its tunes.

My guitar and me,

we have stayed together during hard times.

And now that the good times are near

it looks at me and smiles, whenever I sing.

My guitar and me,

it wants me to learn a new song today.

It says to me, “I know you love that girl.

Won’t you play a song for her.”

My guitar and me,

we’re the best friends.

We might not know each other perfectly

but we’re still auto tuned to each other.                 

*******

Bless them all,

Bless the smile on his torn lips,

Bless that eye which can’t see

Bless that tongue which can’t speak

Bless that ear which can’t hear

Bless that knee,

which misses its other partner.

But most of all,

Bless those who still smile,

despite their fears and troubles.

Just bless them all, God. 

Chale the ek girlfriend dhoondne...

“Girl friend bani teri”

Nahin

“Saale 22 saal ka ho gaya hai”

Toh

“Toh bana le naa”

Kyun

“Kyunki sabki hai”

Achcha

Hui kuch aur baatein

fir rakh diya tha receiver

sochta hun sahi keh raha tha

par kaise dhundhun ek girlfriend.....

Dost ko kasam di thi

ek mahine mein kisi ko apna banane ki

Ab kaise samjhayein usse,

humne toh kitno ko apna banaya tha

par unhe hi nahin padi thi humein apnane ki.....

Ghumaya tha number Mumbai waali ka

uss din koi film festival tha.

Fir bhi pooch daala banogi meri girlfriend

pata chala sang uske pehle hi uska boyfriend tha...

Baari thi fir Dilli waali ki

poocha usse bhi fir maine wahi sawaal.

Badle mein mila bas ek jawab

nakhre mere utha paoge?

Pehle hi sambhal jao

nahin toh pehle 15 bf ki tarah ex banke reh jaoge...

Soch kar main chaunk sa gaya

dekha jo Cellphone

uss par aa raha tha ek number naya.

Jaipur waali thi woh

architecture karti hai jo,

socha chalo isse baat banayi jaaye

finally ek rajputni patayi jaaye.

Poocha tha maine dheere se

"Kya iss dil mein mere sanam ban reh jaoge"

Boli thi main toh tayaar hun

par kya tum

"Bhaiya ki talwaar ki dhaar seh paoge?"

Sehem sa gaya tha main

ab toh baari Nainital ki thi

sard hawaaon mein lapete jo humein

chahat uss shaal ki  thi...

Phone uthake ghumaya tha number

mahina tha woh November.

Bol rahi thi baraf pad rahi hai

thand ke maare meri baahein akad rahi hai...

Ho sakte toh aa jao yahaan

le jaana hai tumhe le jao wahaan.

Par ek baat yaad rakhna

line hai mere peeche ladkon ki

ho sake toh uska zaroor dhyan rakhna...

Ab toh umeed hi chod baithe the

ki kabhi daal galegi meri

Tabhi andar se awaaz aayi

“Abbey chandigarh mein bhi toh hai na dost teri”

Bas fir kya tha kiya tha phone usse

apna kabka maan chuke the jisse

hello ke naam par gaali se greet kiya

Socha yehi pasand hai usko

toh humne bhi waise

thoda rudely hi treat kiya...

Socha shayad ab toh baat ban jayegi,

nahin pata tha ki uss side se call kat jaane ki awaaz aayegi...

Fir socha chalo videsh ki sair kari jaaye

kya pata wahi koi mil jaaye.

Mili thi ek, aur pasand bhi aayi sabko

par yahi toh maat kha gaye hum

ki pasand thi woh ‘sabko’

Bas aaj yunhi akele baithe hain

soch rahe hain ki kya ab,

meri bhi koi girlfriend banegi?

Kya iss bechare ki bhi,

kismet kabhi khulegi.

Par ye bechara bhi koi bechara na tha,

koi aisa kona nahin jahan munh maara na tha.

Ek perfect ladki ki talaash mein

naa jaane kitni thukra din thi

akele baith apni aadhi zindagi yunhi bita di thi

Aaj samjh kuch aa rahi hai usse,

ki har koi uski tarah hi toh hai.

Thoda achcha thoda bura,

thoda sachcha aur thoda jhootha hi toh hai...

Chala hai fir aaj, lekar dil apna soona

agar pasand aa jaye toh bata dijiyega

bechare ka sheher hai poona.